Absolution
by Pir8grl
Summary: Pir8grl, in collaboration with J. Merrick. Speculation for the 50th. This is a fairly intense conversation between Clara and the 'other' Doctor about surviving the Time War, and contains some disturbing thoughts. Rated T.


**Pir8grl, in collaboration with J. Merrick. **

Speculation for the 50th. This is a fairly intense conversation between Clara and the 'other' Doctor about surviving the Time War, and contains some disturbing thoughts. Rated T.

* * *

Clara calmly surveyed the man before her, the one who was the Doctor, and yet…not.

"Aren't you afraid of me?" he asked curiously.

"No. Should I be?"

"He's afraid of me."

"I'm not," Clara replied. "You're still part of him, part of the Doctor, and I know the Doctor would never hurt me."

"That sounds like something the little blonde-haired girl would say."

"Rose," Clara reminded him firmly. "Her name is Rose, and don't you **_dare_** disrespect her. Don't you dare. And I'm not being sentimental. It's only practical…without me, you're dead, so many times, and in so many places. I don't think it's possible to replicate what I did."

"It's not," he agreed. "But suppose that's what I meant? Maybe I'd like nothing better than to just blink out of existence. No more Clara, no more Doctor."

"No more Doctor, no more **_how many _**solar systems? **_How many _**thousands of lives? Are you really that damned selfish?"

"Maybe I am. Think on what I've done."

"I don't know what you've done," Clara countered.

"Of course you do," the other replied angrily. "You've seen enough of me, heard enough of the Time War."

"Not from you," she said simply.

"If I start reciting the catalogue of all I've done, we'll be sitting here for a very long time."

"So? Time doesn't work right here. We can take as long as you need. Talk to me."

After a long, long moment of staring into her eyes, he did. It's a long, blood-soaked, brutal tale, and it took a very long time to tell. She never once interrupted him, but there were tears on her face when he was finished.

"Are you afraid of me now?" he asked finally.

"No," Clara whispered.

"Not much like him, am I?"

"You **_are_** him."

The other Doctor shook his head. "The one you came here with, he seems to think there was something else that could have been done."

"He wasn't there," Clara argued. "You were. You saw a conflict that was going to escalate, without end, until all of creation was annihilated, and you took the only step you could see to stop it."

"To put it in your terms, Hiroshima and Nagasaki."

"Yes."

"How can you bear to look at me?" he asked.

"You made an impossible decision, in impossible circumstances. Who am I to judge? If anything…I think maybe…" Clara's voice trailed off into shaky silence.

"What?" he demanded.

"If you hadn't done what you did, the universe…all the things I've seen…they would have been wiped out of existence before I was even born."

Before Clara could even blink, he was on his feet in front of her, silencing her with harsh fingers pressed to her mouth, hard enough to bruise. "You think you should thank me for choosing to bring death to my own people?" he spat.

Glaring, she wrenched her head away from his hand. "I think I should thank you for choosing to protect the lives of countless others, at unbearable cost to yourself."

Surprisingly, his craggy face lightened with a smile, and he chuckled softly. "I like you," he decided. "You are so strong. Suppose I decide to keep you?"

"I'm not a pet or a toy," Clara retorted. "You don't get to decide that."

"Time doesn't work right here," he reminded her. "I can do as I please."

"But you won't."

"Why not?" he asked intently.

"Because you're still the Doctor."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, you'll do the right thing, and protect the timelines. You've regenerated three times since this you, saved so many people, and changed so many lives. You won't ruin all that."

"What if I asked you to stay with me?" he asked, suddenly vulnerable. "You saved all the others. Maybe you could save me, too."

"I don't need to save you," Clara said, her voice going soft as she walked up to him, "Because I know the man that you become."

"A drunken giraffe?" he asked harshly, the pain welling up again in his voice.

"The greatest man in all of time," she whispered, "He may not acknowledge it, but you're the reason he is who he is."

He bit back a sob, "I didn't want to do it. It was the only thing that could be done."

"I believe you," Clara asserted, "And I'll be sure to remind him of that. He shouldn't ever forget you."

"Thank you."


End file.
